Yoshi's Story Review

For Nintendo 64

Rating: Crappy
  It's hard to believe that Yoshi's Story made it through 
Nintendo's so-called "high standards of quality," but it did.
From the very moment you turn on the game, it becomes 
annoying.  I literally mean the first moment you turn it on,
when you hear "Nintendo" in an extremely obnoxious voice.  
Then you're treated to an absolutely pathetic story line 
(featuring the "Super Happy Fruit Tree") with some of the 
most annoying music of all time playing in the background.  
The music on the main menu and on the story screens is so 
annoying, I nearly became insane after listening to it for 
less than five minutes.  It features the same annoying voice
that says "Nintendo" at the start, only now the voice is 
singing.  You have to hear it to truly understand how 
annoying it is, and even then it gets even worse over time 
since it is so repetitive.  After quickly starting a game to
end the God-awful menu music, you'll find that the in-game 
sound effects are almost as annoying as the main menu's 
music.  Not only does Yoshi make an annoying grunting sound 
every single time you jump, but when you do the floating 
jump, he lets out a grunt that literally sounds like he's on
the toilet struggling to relieve himself.  Also, while most 
action/platform games have clever animation sequences that 
play when you leave the main character doing nothing for 
several seconds, Yoshi immediately starts singing an 
annoying high-pitched song that goes, "Dung, dung, dung, 
dung, dung, e?" over and over and over again.  Indeed, this 
game's sound is extremely annoying to say the least.  
However, I could have lived with the sound turned off if the
game had decent graphics and gameplay, but the fact is that 
the rest of the game sucks, too.  The graphics are flat, 
grainy, 2D sprites that literally look like they were drawn 
using crayons.  The look of the game is far from advanced 
and looks like it could have easily been done on the Super 
Nintendo.  The gameplay itself is also completely 2D, but it
uses the analog joystick.  I'm sure it is possible to have 
good 2D control on the analog joystick, but it's not in this
game.  Instead, Yoshi's Story's control is way too loose.  
However, perhaps the biggest flaw the game has is that how 
everything is so "cutesy" and geared towards young children.
The game is both extremely short and extremely easy (the 
actual gameplay is easy, struggling with the loose control 
is not). Plus, there are so many easily-accessible power-ups
lying around all over the place that a freakin' monkey 
playing with one arm tied behind its back could beat this 
game.  Nintendo can say whatever they want in their 
laughable commercials about the game's so-called "attitude,"
but the fact of the matter is that Yoshi's Story was 
specifically geared at six-year-olds who go somewhere and 
cry if they can't beat a game the first day they get it.  
What is even more sad about Yoshi's Story is how long it 
took for Nintendo to create it (especially considering how 
much it sucks).
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