The Secret Diaries Of A Blitzaphrenic


By Contributing Writer Rob Pecknold

Note to readers:  The characters and events in this story are fictional. 
Any similarities between them and actual people or events are purely 
coincidental, although Rob is experiencing some of the same symptoms as 
poor old Harry.

   Published here is the diary of a young boy, Harry Phoenix, who had a 
very interesting problem.  We publish this in the Medical Science Journal 
to better understand the ways of an NFL Blitz gamer.

December 25, 1998 7:00 AM
   I got a game called NFL Blitz for Christmas this year!  It looks like a 
fun game, but I really wanted Zelda.  Oh well, I can’t show my 
disappointment to my parents, so I’m going upstairs to play it.

December 26, 1998 10:00 AM
   Well, after playing it a bit, it looks like it's an alright game.  Not 
the best, not the worst... I'm gonna... go test it a bit more...

December 27, 1998 2:08 AM
   I missed dinner tonight.  I told my parents I was cleaning my room.  
I better get a quick game of Blitz in before bed.

December 27, 1998 8:43 AM
   My parents called me down for breakfast, but I didn’t pay attention.  
I played Blitz some more.

January 15, 1999 8:21 PM
   I haven’t talked to my family in weeks.  I can’t understand it.  All I 
hear ringing through my mind is the announcer's cries of “THAT WAS UNCALLED
FOR! THAT WAS UNCALLED FOR!” and “IS THAT LEGAL? IS THAT LEGAL?”  I haven’t
eaten in weeks, and it's starting to affect my offensive game.  I don’t 
know what I should do, because I don’t want to leave Blitz alone.  I'm 
afraid someone might take it.  I’ll brave the hunger.  Just one more game.

January 18, 1999 5:00 AM
   It's starting to really hurt, and I can’t move my fingers anymore.  
I guess I’ll have to use a stick to control the game, which is how I’m 
writing this.

January 19, 1999 6:47 PM
   I finally went downstairs, and was nearly blinded by this thing called 
"the sun."  In the midst of all the announcer's cries in my head, I heard 
my family say something about "counseling" but I didn’t know how to respond.
I got my food and went upstairs.

March 30, 1999 2:54 AM
   I think it's time I ate again, because I’ve only been winning by about 
54 points lately.  It's really affecting my game.  But how can I resist 
that utterly innocent cartidge?

March 31, 1999 8:00 PM
   They took it.  They took my pride and joy, my life, my existence.  My 
dad took Blitz from me.  He said he’d give it back to me as soon as I 
promised to cut down on the playing time.  I said I was going out to the 
food store, and walked out the door, with my N64 Memory Pak in hand.

April 10, 1999 3:00 AM
   It's cold in this arcade at night.  I haven’t written lately, Diary, 
because I need to defend my spot at the Blitz '99 arcade machine.  I can’t 
get enough. It's impossible for me to stop, and if I try, I go through 
withdrawl, going into convulsions and vomiting.  One time, a large, mean-
looking guy tried to get me away from the machine, but with one glance at 
my Blitz-ridden face, he ran away crying.

May 5, 1999 12:32 PM
   I had to go to the bank to get more money out of my parents' bank 
account, but when I came back with $2,165 (in quarters), I found some guy
playing my arcade machine, and using my plays.  Within 30 seconds he was 
out cold and tied up in the back room, just in time for me to play another
quarter of Blitz.

August 17, 1999 1:45 AM
   It's really hard to do anything lately... I can barely move...

August 18, 1999 1:47 AM
   I haven't eaten since I left home and the police are chasing me... the 
arcade guy said I was driving off his other customers... he tried to lug 
Blitz away... I jumped him, but he electrocuted me with the Blitz wires... 
I felt no pain because I felt closer to Blitz that way... aghh... the 
pain...

August 21, 1999 1:42 PM
   With my last bit of strength... I crawled home to die with my... Blitz...
cartridge... my... life... is... finally... complete...

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